you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
