he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
