Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
