wakey wakey hands off snakey
Say something about gay babies.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
