Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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