So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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