yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
