Please don't use social media to get back at me.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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