Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I pour the whiskey from now on
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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