I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
