When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize