There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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