I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
