I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
