thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
