Your face is a jimmy john
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
