i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
