So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
sarcasm needs its own font
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
