I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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