Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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