Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
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