What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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