Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
