I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
