Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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