K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I had to cum in my sink.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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