I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
