I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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