It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
