her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
