when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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