the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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