i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
