Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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