I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Randomize