did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
