Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
