I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
