My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
