I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
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