I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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