worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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