Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
