She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
