i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
