Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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