She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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