areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
