so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
