You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
