It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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