I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
