What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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