did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
