I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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