break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
