i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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