did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Randomize
