Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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