Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
