I got chris browned last night
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
