So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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