omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
