Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
