The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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