Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I wish they made helmets for livers.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize