I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
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