Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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