At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
