I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize