he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
