You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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