Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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