In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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