You made me cry and you don't even care
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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