No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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