Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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