You're a womanizer and a bitch.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
