just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
The convent might be a nice break from real life
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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