I have demons in me.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
