is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
