You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
