Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
