We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
There are leaves in my underwear?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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