my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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