I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Duck Duck Cougar?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
