Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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