I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
