i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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