Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
