I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
