so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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