I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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