The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
