I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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